lyonsheart:

30 Days of The Ponds | Day 18: Favorite Sad or Angst Moment

The way she’s acting, they both are, is just magnificently cruel. She hides behind her hair and her make-up and her condescending pout and posture and rush. Just to not be too long with him in one room because she will break. Because she will call for him, selfishly beg him to stay. And she can’t. She can’t be selfish. He’s not hers to have, because she’s impaired, she’s wrong in her mind. In her mind giving him children is the ultimate token of love and devotion, children of their own flesh and blood. She once had a miscarriage. Lost Melody to get her back as grown-up woman, a stranger. It was a miscarriage. She lost her baby. Forever. She once deprived him of a family. And this broke her so much, she thinks of herself as tainted and incapable. She wants to give him physical, tangible proof of her love. A child of their own, and she didn’t once and she can never. So she is not allowed to have him and she let him go and now she has to pretend like she doesn’t care, like it doesn’t rip her to pieces.

So they both hide. He behind harsh words, to cling to his pride and nonchalance, because he pined after her, waited for, chased her so long just to have the doors shut with cruel and definite “get out”. How long can you barge this doors? How long can you long for attention? How long can you wait outside the box, after 2000 years of waiting already? So he armed himself with pride, detachment and sarcasm, because he doesn’t really know how to stop waiting and he is still waiting for her and he will always be waiting for her, there isn’t and won’t be another one. And she rushes to sign the papers, all the time hidden behind the curtain of her hair, to make it quick, before she hesitates, before she gives in to temptation, before she calls for him.

And in the end she breaks and she does call for him and the change is heartbreaking. From that forced, spiteful pout to pleading, vulnerable expression. And that desperate “Rory”, still full of belief she never really let go, that whenever she is, whatever she does she knows that he is always coming for her. Coming back.

#i hate everything

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    breaks my heart
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